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This Game of Thrones Episode Recap Is Practically All in Capital Letters


Varys and Tyrion arrive with their bad news about Casterly Rock. Tyrion feels that it’s time to put King’s Landing under siege; Dany wants to take the dragons and torch the Red Keep. She asks Jon for advice, and he tells her that using the dragons to melt cities will bum everyone out, and if she does that, people won’t see her new and good and different. I guess?

Game of Thrones Brienne and Arya

‘Wow, so I guess you didn’t really need me to protect you, then. That’s fine.’

HBO

Back at Winterfell, Brienne is still trying to teach Podrick to fight, bless her. Arya decides she wants to train with her and it’s buckets of fun, very EXCITING, and really enjoyable to watch. Everyone who is paid to do fight choreography earns their bonus in spades. We even get a delightful little “no one” reference when Brienne asks Arya who taught her to fight like that.

Theon pulls ashore (OH, HE HAS NOT SEEN JON IN A WHILE, HUH?) and it’s awkward! “Uh…oh, hi Jon…I didn’t know you were here. How’s Sansa?” Jon informs him that helping Sansa is the only reason he’s not killing him (listen, don’t let that hold you back, guy.) He also tells him that the Queen is gone. Sorry!

‘You have GOT to see this dragon.’

HBO

Cut to Jaime and Bronn and the Lannister/Tarly forces on the outskirts of King’s Landing, getting the last of the wagons of gold into the city.

I BET DANY TOOK THE DRAGONS THERE TO MESS THEM UP PLEASE BE TAKING THE DRAGONS TO MESS THEM UP.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. But, also: ALL THE DOTHRAKI AND THEIR DOUBLE-SCYTHE WIELDING, BALANCING-ON-A-GALLOPING-HORSE FIGHTING. It’s amazing.

Drogon FUCKS THEM UP THEY BURN IT’S GLORIOUS!!!!!! THE DOTHRAKI ARE JUST RIDING THROUGH THE FLAMES LIKE THEY DON’T CARE! It’s basically the fight from Anchorman.

Anchorman fight

GIPHY

Jaime and Bronn are standing around like…Gee, this isn’t great, this is not the best. Well observed! People are on FIRE. This is what it looks like when Jaime Lannister discovers that War Is Hell. Bronn swords and spears his way to the big dragon-killing thing. He misses with his first shot, but gets Drogon with his second, wounding a VERY irritated dragon. Qyburn’s weapon works, I guess. As Dany yanks the arrow from her dragon’s shoulder, Jaime steels himself. He’s going to try to take Dany out (Tyrion is watching, aghast at his brother’s noble stupidity) and is JUST ABOUT TO BECOME A HUMAN BLOWTORCH when Bronn pushes him out of the way.

Is he dead? IS HE? COME ON IS HE DEAD OR NOT.

Uhhh. I guess we’ll find out next week what happened? I need to lie down with a cool compress.



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