Biden To Hire ServPro For White House Restoration Work


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It is being reported that Joe Biden, if he were to win the presidency, will hire the cleanup firm, ServPro, to cleanse a White House that has been thoroughly soiled by Donald Trump and his administration.

While ServPro is a leading firm in disaster restoration services, disinfecting the People’s House will present a unique challenge.

“We at ServPro are very experienced at cleaning up after natural disasters … floods, hurricanes and the like. But we’ve never been asked to clean up after a man-made disaster such as a tainted presidency,” said a company spokesperson.

“We know, from its core, the building is rife with scandal, incompetence and corruption. If hired, we will do our best to rid the White House of such odious elements that, I fear, have likely seeped into every wall, of every room,” said the spokesperson. “We are prepared to do our best restoration work for the American people. Our goal would be to bring back honor, honesty and decency to that grand building.”

“We will be true to our motto, ‘Like it never happened’,” said the spokesperson. 

Asked how they plan to rid the White House of the repulsive stench now emanating from every corner of the building, the spokesperson said,” We may actually use something the President has himself suggested to rid a body of coronavirus …. simple household bleach.”

Some political observers are worried Trump may win another four years. If that is the case, the ServPro spokesperson noted a cleanup of the White House would then be impossible, saying, “The building would have to be razed and rebuilt.” 

As a pure cost-saving measure, Americans will need to vote Trump out of office on November 3.

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America’s Last Undecided Voter


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With the presidential election less than two months away, battle lines have been drawn. Sides have been chosen. Americans know who they will be voting for … except for Earl Scruggs.

Scruggs has the distinction of being the last undecided voter in the country.

We at Moron Majority recently had the opportunity to interview America’s final fence-sitter.

MM: Mr. Scruggs, how is it with all the news about the two candidates you still haven’t decided who to vote for?

Scruggs: I don’t much listen to the news but I do talk to a lot of people. Seems like half are voting for Trump, half are voting for Biden.

MM: Did you vote for Trump in 2016?

Scruggs: Yes, but in 2008 and 2012 I voted for Obama.

MM: So, you really are a swing voter! What do you like about Trump?

Scruggs: I like that he loves the flag so much he dry humps it every chance he gets. I like Melania too, she’s one mighty fine-looking woman!

MM: What about Biden? What do you like about him?

Scruggs: I like Joe’s teeth. They must be the whitest teeth of any politician ever. I like that he smiles a lot, too.  Plus, I think his aviator shades make him look cool.

MM: Mr. Scruggs, what you’re talking about are appearances and behavior. Aren’t there any policy differences between the two that could help make up your mind?

Scruggs: Nope. To me all that policy stuff doesn’t matter because all politicians are the same. They’ll say anything to get elected. All they want is power and to get reelected. I go with what strikes my eye. I go with my gut. But, right now, it’s telling me to maybe just sit this one out.

So there you have it. Democrats and Republicans will be spending millions in the coming days to sway Earl Scruggs in what may turn out to be one expensive, but futile, effort.

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Trump Boaters Out Of Luck … Insurance Claims Denied


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Several boats sank yesterday during a boat parade in support of Donald Trump on Lake Travis in Texas. Apparently, the sinking occurred due to choppy water caused by the large number of vessels moving so close together.

Most owners suffering loss have looked to their boat insurance to cover their damages. Unfortunately, many standard boat policies carry a little-known exclusion, namely, “There is no coverage when losses or damages are caused by the owner’s abject stupidity.”

Asked if he felt sorry for those supporters who lost their vessels, Trump snapped., “I like owners whose boats don’t sink, OK?”

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Donald Trump Is The Real “Teflon Don”


If you Google “Teflon Don,” you’ll get many photos of John Gotti, the notorious New York Mafia boss who earned the name by beating criminal charges for years … until he didn’t (courtesy of that rat, “Sammy The Bull” Gravano!)

You’ll get link after link to articles about the stylish gangster whose love of expensive clothing also earned him the nickname, “Dapper Don.”

You will have to go through many pages before you get to any mention of the real “Teflon Don,” Donald Trump.

Yes, Gotti, the Mafia “Don” escaped many criminal prosecutions, but that’s small potatoes compared to what Trump has dodged.

Admit it, you thought Trump’s bid for the White House was over when you saw that Access Hollywood tape on which he brags to Billy Bush about grabbing women “by the pussy.”

But, of course, Trump went on to “win” the election, and after committing numerous crimes while in office, he is still occupying the White House. Nothing … no scandal or outrage… ever seems to stick to Trump. Hell, he even beat an open-and-shut case of bribery and abuse of power thanks to a group of feckless Republican senators!

And now comes what some are calling Trump’s greatest pubic embarrassment since the Access Hollywood tape … his disparaging remarks about the military.

This latest scandal is so bad even Fox News accurately reported that Trump’s mocking remarks, calling our veterans and military members “losers” and “suckers,” had been verified.

In any sane world, Trump’s derogatory remarks about the troops he commands would be the end of his reelection bid.

But if history is any guide, Trump’s base will stick with him. They’ll either believe it’s all “fake news” or simply turn the page.

Yes, there might be one or two brave Republican members of Congress who find the nerve to chastise Trump. 

There may even be a handful of lukewarm Trump supporters who will see these latest disgusting remarks as disqualifying for a man who wants to remain commander-in-chief.

If Trump somehow wins reelection, even after this latest dishonoring of the office he holds, Google will have no choice but to change its algorithms to bring up photos and articles of Donald J. Trump when someone searches “Teflon Don.”

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Will Four-Day Republican Lie-Fest Pay Political Dividends?


Not very likely.

Sides have been drawn. Minds have been made up. Yes, there are still a number of undecided voters out there but an equal number will be repulsed by what they saw during the Republican “convention” as will be swayed by the avalanche of lies.

If you believe the main Republican talking points, the economy is strong, the coronavirus is behind us and Joe Biden will abolish the suburbs!

No doubt this type of messaging plays well with Trump’s base. Some have suggested the whole purpose of the four-day “misinfomerical” was to shore up those voters already in Trump’s camp.

The problem with that strategy is twofold. First, Trump cannot win reelection just by turning out his base. The numbers don’t add up. They are a minority of the electorate. Most current polling has Trump consistently trailing Biden. Second, the brazen lies Trump has leveled at his opponent only make Democrats more riled up and determined to thrown him out of office.

As many observers believe, in a fair election, Trump, along with those sycophantic Republicans hanging on to his coattails, would lose bigly.

The only path Trump has to reelection is to somehow “fix” the election. The only way he remains in office is to do what he has always done in order to win … cheat.

As Michael Moore put it, “The only way Republicans can win, and this has been true for a few elections, is to cheat, is to somehow game it, rig it, do whatever they need to do.” 

Some polls show that nearly 80% of Americans believe the country is heading in the wrong direction. They see a virus that is not contained, an economy that is in the tank and a social system that is so racially unjust that not only blacks, but Americans of all backgrounds, are marching in the streets yelling “enough is enough.”

All the lying and “alternative facts” in the world won’t change that.

As an insightful Barack Obama said in 2008, “You can put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig.”

What Democrats need to do, and will do, is to vote in such overwhelming numbers as to make Trump’s anticipated cries of voter fraud and rigged election seem both petty and ludicrous.

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Nikki Haley: “America Is Not A Racist Country” Because, Growing Up, We “Faced Discrimination”


What is it with today’s Republicans?

Apparently, Trump isn’t the only one able to contradict himself in the same sentence. Consistency of thought just isn’t a feature of today’s GOP. The belief must be that people won’t notice obvious contradictions.

Take Nikki Haley during last night’s Republican National Convention speech. She basically said America is not a racist country because growing up as the daughter of an Indian family in South Carolina, she experienced discrimination.

Here are Haley’s actual words:

There is one more important area where our president is right. He knows that political correctness and cancel culture are dangerous, and just plain wrong. In much of the Democratic Party, it’s now fashionable to say that America is racist. That is a lie. America is not a racist country.

This is personal for me. I am the proud daughter of Indian immigrants. They came to America and settled in a small southern town. My father wore a turban. My mother wore a sari. I was a brown girl in a Black and white world. We faced discrimination and hardship, but my parents never gave into grievance and hate.

Fine, her parents never gave into “grievance and hate” but they obviously faced discrimination none the less.

Speaking in Trumpian contradictions appears to be an acceptable mode of speech among Republicans these days.

But kudos to Haley. At the very least, she did not contradict herself in the same sentence. It took her seven sentences to do so.

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Trump Campaign’s List Of RNC Speakers Includes One Noticeable Snub


Donald J. Trump for President, Inc. has announced the list of speakers for this week’s Republican National Convention. 

The list includes the usual suspects … Rudy Giuliani, Jim Jordon, Marsha Blackburn, Tom Cotton, Ben Carson, Matt Gaetz, just to name a few.

But there is one name missing from the list that many believed would have had a featured speaking role … the “My Pillow Guy,” Mike Lindell.

After all, this is the guy Trump asked to dig up leads on potential treatments for the White House coronavirus task force. 

This is the person who Trump is encouraging to run for governor of Minnesota in 2022.

This is the wealthy businessman who shares Trump’s tremendous ability at marketing, for heaven’s sake!

How is it possible the list of speakers includes such lightweights as Tiffany and Eric Trump but not the guy who personally guarantees you “the most comfortable pillow you’ll ever own?”

Is it possible Trump and Lindell had a falling out? Or is it possible Trump earnestly tried one of Lindell’s pillows and discovered what most buyers come to realize… it’s all one big con?

At the very least, we have Kimberly Guilfoyle, Don Jr’s girlfriend and a longstanding favorite with the Fox News crowd, to amuse us.

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Dems Mocking Move To Shore Up Italian Vote


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Republicans are not the only ones intentionally mispronouncing the name of the Democratic VP candidate, Kamala Harris. It seems that Democrats themselves have gotten into the act.

In their outreach to Italian American voters, who lean heavily to Trump and the GOP, Democrats are calling Kamala … Carmela!

The effort appears to be paying off as many Italian Americans have a positive reaction to the very Italian name, Carmela.

“My mother’s name is Carmela, as was her mother’s and her mother’s mother,” said Vinny Scappaticci, owner of Vinny’s Humungo Pizzeria and Donut Shop in the swing state of Pennsylvania.

“How could I not vote for a Carmela?” asked Mr. Scappaticci.

But won’t those same Italian voters who are looking to support “Carmela” Harris get confused once they see her correct name on the ballot?

“No,” said a Biden/Harris campaign strategist who chose to remain anonymous. “They will think it’s a typo, most likely. In any event, our research has shown most Italian Americans are not the greatest spellers.”

Oh snap!

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Growing Concern Over Melania GOP Convention Speech … Who Will She Endorse?


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She never wanted any of it.

Melania Trump was perfectly happy living in her gilded tower high above New York’s Fifth Avenue. The woman who some have described as the most reluctant First Lady is scheduled to give a speech at next week’s Republican National Convention. It is being reported she will deliver her speech from the newly renovated White House Rose Garden.

Campaign officials are worried because, unlike in the past, Melania has decided to write her own speech. Alarmingly, she has refused to share it with anyone.

It is no great mystery that Melania Trump is not a happy camper. We see it in her dour face. We see it when she refuses to hold her husband’s hand in public. Does she simple loathe her husband or does she hate the whole business of politics? No one really knows.

Gossips are speculating the First Lady will file for divorce the first chance she gets after leaving the Peoples’ House. They remind us of how Melania initially refused to move to the White House after her husband’s inauguration so that son Barron “could finish school in New York.” It has been reported that Melania used her holdout as leverage for renegotiating her prenuptial agreement with Trump.

What concerns Trump’s campaign staff the most is that the First Lady might go rogue and do the unthinkable during her speech … announce she is endorsing Joe Biden!

“Enough is enough” might not just be a catch phrase for Democrats.

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Even As Trump Tries To “Kneecap” The Postal Service, He Demonstrates His Incompetence×683.jpg

By now, it should come as no surprise to anyone that the man currently occupying the White House is a liar and a cheat. As his niece, Mary Trump, aptly observes in her blistering tell-all memoir, “Too Much And Never Enough,” Donald Trump long ago embraced “cheating as a way of life.”

So, it comes as no great shock that Trump would attempt anything and everything to win reelection. Or more precisely, to steal another election.

Once Trump and his coterie of criminals realized that Democrats would be more likely to vote by mail this November, it was a simple and obvious choice to try and sabotage the Postal Service. With slow moving mail, many ballots might not be received on time, arriving too late to be counted. And if slowing down the mail isn’t enough on its own, simply creating a perception of problems with mail delivery could be enough to discourage some Americans from voting by mail.

While Trump’s wanting to muddle the November election by actively “kneecapping” the Post Office (Obama’s words) comes as no surprise, the fact that he has so totally messed up such a boneheaded move comes as no wonderment either.

Trump’s narcissism makes it difficult for him to understand the consequences of his actions. Yes, while slowing the mail would most likely disenfranchise many voters (more Democrats), it can’t be done without also screwing over veterans, rural communities, people waiting for their medications and social security checks, etc.

Surprisingly, yet predictively, Trump thinks voters, many in his own camp, will only notice the toll this political stunt will have on mail-in balloting!

Trump is not a thinker. He undoubtedly is not a chess player. He is a man innately bereft of the ability to see the big picture. He is notably unaware of the obvious, direct effects of a policy choice.

The smart move would have been for Trump to start his dismantling of the Post Office much later on, say in October.

Now everyone is wise to his game. And the push back has been fierce, not only from Democrats and some Republicans, but from your average Joe. Things will only get worse for Trump as his scheme unravels. 

As Joshua Holland, of, puts it, “The most likely scenario is that the backlash forces Trump to back down. If not, this is the kind of thing that might eventually penetrate the media bubble Trump’s die-hard supporters inhabit. When important mail stops showing up in a timely fashion like it used to, it’s hard not to notice.”

The real scary thought in all this is what if we someday have a president as corrupt as Trump, but with at least half a brain … someone better able to pull off his crimes?

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