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HISPANIC (P)

HISPANIC (P)

At A Time When We Needed Joe Pesci, Biden Gave Us Mister Rogers

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The late, great George Carlin had a brilliant routine about religion and prayer. He told us that instead of looking to God to get his wishes fulfilled, he prayed to Joe Pesci:

He looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t f*ck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.
For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that c*cksucker out with one visit. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

After four years of a corrupt Department of Justice under the Orange Mango, many Americans were excited that “justice” might finally be restored to such a vital institution through Joe Biden’s pick for Attorney General. It is becoming clearer by the day, however, that Biden’s pick was not, and is not, the right man for the job. Instead of giving us a fearless lawman who would bring the traitorous Trump and his criminal cabal to justice, he gave us the mild-mannered Merrick Garland.

As Jennifer Rubin observed in a Washington Post opinion piece back on June 23, “It seems Garland is not the right person for his job, which requires determination to clean house and reestablish the highest standards for the department. That requires the ability to absorb political attacks from those who object to his mission to root out misbehavior. If he cannot explain to critics that a thorough investigation is not partisan, but an essential part of reasserting legal norms, he is not up to the challenge before him.”

Yesterday, a nonpartisan nonprofit called on the Attorney General to resign over his apparent failure to “hold accountable former president Donald Trump and his co-conspirators for attempting to overthrow the government,” suggesting, like Rubin, that the Biden appointee is “the wrong person for this job at this time.”

The group, Free Speech For People (FSFP) wrote, “If Garland had created a framework for credible, impartial criminal investigations of a former president of the United States, DOJ would have affirmed that no one—not even a former president—is above the law,”

The odds of Garland resigning, however, are greater than my getting consecutive holes-in-one during my next round of golf!

It is understandable why Biden would choose the man who was cheated out of a seat on the Supreme Court by Moscow Mitch. Perhaps, at a different time, righting such a wrong by making Garland the next Attorney General would not have been so consequential for our democracy.

Many believe Merrick Garland would have made a great Supreme Court justice, the job he was actually groomed for. But being a judge, and an attorney general, require two different skill sets. As James D. Zirin wrote in The Hill, “Unlike a judge, who must be independent, the attorney general under our system is a party to a controversy but he is no ordinary partisan. His duty is to the public, not to convict the guilty but to see that justice is done.”

It looks as if the country is left with an otherwise decent man who is afraid to do the right thing because, god forbid, it might appear too political.

If only the Attorney General would heed the words of Rep. Mo Brooks on the day of the insurrection and start “taking down names and kicking ass” … ala Joe Pesci!

Photo |post-gazette.com/Drew Angerer-AP



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Don’t Blame Trump, or Republicans, For The Mess We’re In

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It is no exaggeration, our democracy is hanging by a thread, being tested like never before. Four years of the most corrupt, and incompetent, president in our nation’s history … along with a political party that failed to remove him from office when it had the chance, twice, … will do that.

For those who thought once Trump was voted out of office things would get back to normal, you weren’t paying attention. For those who thought Republicans would come to their senses once Captain Chaos was stripped of his power, you never understood the sheer evil of Mitch McConnell and his band of obstructionists.

But here’s the thing. Trump and his seditionist Republicans are today threatening our democracy as a direct result of two monumentally bad decisions by the Roberts Court.

First came Citizens United.

In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court held that corporations are people with First Amendment rights and their money is free speech. This decision reversed century-old campaign finance restrictions and unleashed floods of dark money to corrupt our politics and foul our democracy. As former president Jimmy Carter put it, this ruling was nothing short of “legalized bribery.”

Then came Shelby County v. Holder.

In another 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court gutted the Voting Rights Act of 1965, a law that required certain states with a history of discrimination against minority voters to get changes cleared by the federal government before they went into effect. Writing for the majority, Chief Justice Roberts wrote there was no longer any need for the law because, since the law’s enactment, “things have changed dramatically.” That racial discrimination had come to an end was news to many Americans, especially black Americans.

Within days of the Court’s decision, states that were covered by the Voting Rights Act began to enact new voting restrictions. Who could have seen that!

Elections have consequences. Donald Trump, in one term, nominated three young Supreme Court justices to lifetime appointments, giving the conservative bloc a 6-3 majority.

It’s hard to think that because of the new far-right conservatives on the bench, John Roberts is today considered a moderate! (OK, moderate conservative).

We know beyond a doubt that Trump, and his rabid base, does not believe in democracy. We know today’s Republicans do not take seriously their sworn oath to the Constitution, if they ever did.

When that decisive case comes before the Supreme Court, the one determining whether democracy lives or dies, what will it be for the Court’s conservatives?  Will it be partisanship over country, like it is for those who put them in power? 

I can’t help thinking of that other disastrous Supreme Court decision … Bush v. Gore.

Photo | scroll.in



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Cyber Ninjas Hires Bill Barr To Summarize Arizona Audit Report

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Reprint from moronmajority.com

In an effort to stem the confusion surrounding the release of its Arizona audit report, Cyber Ninjas has hired former Trump Attorney General, William Barr, to distill the essential findings.

At a news conference this morning, Barr said, “While the audit showed Biden receiving more votes than Trump, that doesn’t necessarily mean Biden won the contest. Some are actually claiming the report ‘conclusively shows there were enough fraudulent votes, mystery votes, and fake votes to change the outcome of the election 4 or 5 times over’.” 

Arizona Republicans are not happy with the work of Cyber Ninjas and are said to be contemplating another audit of the Maricopa County election results to be conducted by the little-known firm, Sumo Warriors.

Photo | people.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!



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Anti-Vaxxers Are Literally Dying To “Own The Libs”

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Is there anything more enjoyable to Republicans than to “own the libs”? Oh, how they love to mock, infuriate or just get under the skin of those snooty liberals with their awesome, uncompromising conservatism!

To “own” someone is to dominate and humiliate them, and the “libs,” as described by Rolling Stone magazine, can loosely be defined as “anyone to the left of Sean Hannity.”

“Owning the libs” became a mantra of conservatism long before Trump came along. But since Trump’s ascension to the White House, to “own the libs” is less an identifiable act or set of policy goals than an ethos … a way of life; a civic religion, if you will.

Unfortunately for those who refuse to get vaccinated (predominantly Republicans of the red state variety), with the arrival of the coronavirus, “owning the libs” has taken a deadly turn.

I’m sure you’ve seen videos of those anti-vaxxers hooked up to respirators proudly claiming they do not regret not getting their vaccine shot. Heck it’s all about personal freedom, isn’t it, they tell you.

So now the “if liberals are for it, I’m against” line of thinking (I use the word loosely) has resulted in some Republicans actually accepting death over ever admitting they were wrong?

God help those poor, lost souls!

Interestingly, Urbandictionary.com defines “owning the libs” as: To inflict significant harm upon oneself, or significantly benefit the libs, out of a misguided attempt at spite. 

Perhaps Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” 

If Emerson were around in today’s Covid-19 world, he might have added, ”and it could kill you.”

Photo| nydailynews.com



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Did They All Lie?

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Did you think this would turn out any other way?

“As a general proposition I understand the importance of the precedent set forth in Roe v. Wade.” – Brett Kavanaugh at his Senate confirmation hearing.

Did you really think there was another David Souter among the Three “Trump-appointed” Stooges?

“The Supreme Court of the United States has held in Roe v. Wade that a fetus is not a person for purposes of the Fourteenth Amendment. That’s the law of the land. I accept the law of the land, senator, yes.” – Neil Gorsuch at his Senate confirmation hearing.

Did you actually believe the “moderate” John Roberts would be able to convince at least one Trump jurist to honor the Constitution he or she swore to uphold?

 “I can’t pre-commit or say, yes, I’m going in with some agenda, because I’m not, I don’t have any agenda. I have an agenda to stick to the rule of law and decide cases as they come.” – Amy Coney Barrett at her Senate confirmation hearing.

Today’s ultra-right-wing Court was never going to issue an injunction against the radical anti-abortion law passed in Texas just like the three Trump nominees where never going to reveal their true feelings about Roe v. Wade and protecting a woman’s right to choose.

I like to believe that Sen. Susan Collins was duped by Kavanaugh’s reassurance that he did not pose a threat to Roe v. Wade’s protections for women and families. But that would be giving Collins too much credit. She had to know what Kavanaugh was all about … and he, along with the other two Trump-appointed ideologues, Gorsuch and Coney Barrett, did not disappoint the anti-abortion forces.

My only hope is now that this so-called “supreme court” has shown its hand (at least on the abortion issue), the backlash will be fierce and unrelenting.

A majority of Americans support a women’s right to choose. Let’s pray that the Republicans up for reelection in the 2022 midterms, those who support the Court’s recent action, all suffer defeat. Let’s hope the Democrats hold their majority in the House and increase their majority in the Senate … and that “Supreme Court reform” (i.e., increasing the number of justices to blunt the Court’s extreme conservative tilt) is at the top of any new legislative agenda.

Photo | cnn.com



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Despite Evidence To The Contrary, Ron DeSantis Tries To Assure Floridians “All Is Well”

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Taking a page from a character in National Lampoon’s Animal House, Florida governor Ron DeSantis is attempting convince the good people of his state that the recent spike in Covid-19 cases is nothing to be worried about. 

“It’s a seasonal virus and this is the seasonal pattern it follows in the Sun Belt states,” DeSantis told reporters at a press conference about one week ago. He also said that he expects Covid cases to decline soon. 

He might as well be telling his fellow Floridians to “Remain calm. All is well.”

If you remember, “Remain calm. All is well” are the immortal words uttered by Kevin Bacon during the climax of Animal House, as his character – the Delta Tau Chi antagonist, Chip Diller – helplessly attempts to address a fleeing mob of shrieking parade-goers. 

Today the Florida Hospital Association reported 10,389 Covid-19 hospitalizations, the most statewide during any point in the pandemic. This follows Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reporting over the weekend that Florida had more than 21,000 new coronavirus infections on Friday. It was the highest one-day total for the state, which now makes up roughly one and five new cases nationally.

As Florida’s coronavirus infections continue to spike, public health officials and local elected leaders have urged DeSantis to take more drastic measures to get the virus under control. DeSantis, however, has stubbornly maintained a strict “no-mandate” approach to the virus, including touting an executive order last week that prohibits districts from requiring masks in schools. He also vowed to fight any city or municipality that tries to institute Covid restrictions, including mask mandates or lockdowns.

DeSantis has been sucking up to Donald Trump, and his loyal base, ever since the start of the pandemic, downplaying the severity of the virus, in hopes of furthering his presidential ambitions.

If cases continue to soar in Florida will people remain accepting of DeSantis, or will this preventable surge, a direct result De Santis’s failed leadership, crush his dreams for 2024?

Things did not work out well for Kevin Bacon.

Photo | Butler Street Consulting



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Our Interview With That “College Educated Wite Suburian Woman”

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After making a splash across social media, we at The Daily Nooze decided to interview the woman who so proudly displays her love for Donald Trump across the back of her Jag.

While she agreed to answer our questions, she declined an in-person interview as she really didn’t have the time, working three part-time jobs and all. She instead requested we email her our questions and she would incorporate her answers into a written response.

 Here is her reply:

Yes, I am college educated and I voted for Trump … twice. I am shore he won the last election and that Biden is an inposter president. I care so much about our country that I marched in a number of “Stop The Steel” rallies in my hometown.

I am the first person in my family to ern a college degree. I truly believe in the benefits of hire education.

I know that President Trump said he especially likes the poorly educated but I think education is the only way for someone from humble beginnings, like me, to get a head.

I grew up in a small farming town in Georgia and moved to the big city (population 1500) witch was 30 miles away when I turned 18.

I am a proud graduate of Tuberville State University in Alabama (Let’s Go Fighting Cicadas!) and hope President Trump is reinstituted next month just like Mr. Lindell said he would.

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance” – Derek Bok



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Dr. Fauci Hits Dr. Paul With A Respectful “Va Fungool”

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He couldn’t take any more nonsense coming from the eye doctor at yesterday’s congressional hearing on the coronavirus pandemic. 

The man who has advised seven Presidents on HIV/AIDS and many other domestic and global health issues; the man who is universally recognized as a leading immunologist, esteemed clinician and dedicated administrator in his position as Chief of the Laboratory of Immunoregulation and as Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases basically told Rand Paul to go f*** himself.

 “Senator Paul, you do not know what you’re talking about, quite frankly. And I want to say that officially. You do not know what you are talking about” responded Fauci after the Kentucky ophthalmologist, turned U.S. Senator, accused Fauci of lying to Congress. 

Fauci continued, “If anybody is lying here, senator, it is you.”

Of course, Paul’s attack on the good doctor had nothing to do with facts and everything to do with playing to an audience on the right, where Fauci has been turned into a political punching bag by conservative media and subjected to “lock him up!” chants at Trump rallies.

The hapless Dr. Paul from Bowling Green, Kentucky, known for his anti-science stances, learned a lesson ‘bout a-messin with a feisty man … if you attack a kid from Brooklyn, New York, be prepared to have your arse handed to you.

Screenshot | abcnews.com



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The GOP Has Irredeemably Gone To POT

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Funny, but there are still some pundits talking about the civil war within the Republican Party.

We read stories of how Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger (along with a few other so-called Republican “moderates”) are standing up for traditional conservative values against the Trump nihilists within their beloved party.

The truth is there is no longer a Republican Party. Whatever war there was is over. The GOP has become the POT (Party of Trump).

What’s that you say Mitt and Lisa … you are not members of the POT? You do not worship at the feet of the Orange Calf? You say now that Trump is no longer sitting in the White House his influence over your party will fade?

Please wake up and smell the insurrection. You cannot continue to call yourselves Republicans while remaining members of the POT.

You two sensible lawmakers need to immediately and dramatically renounce your party affiliation. 

No, you do not have to go full Arlen Specter, the longtime Republican who switched to the Democratic Party in 2009 after saying he increasingly found himself “at odds with the Republican philosophy.”

All you have to do is declare as independents and caucus with the Democrats.

Surely you see what’s at stake?  Our very democracy is being threatened by an avalanche of voter suppression laws coming out of Republican-controlled states. You have been shown by our right-wing Supreme Court that it will not save the day.

But you can!

Your “Republican” colleagues are interested in only one thing … power. I honestly do not believe that applies to you. Show your fellow Americans, and the world, what true patriots you are by helping to pass federal voter protection legislation!

You will forever be revered for your acts of decency and bravery.  You will have separated yourselves from those POT asskissers who are hellbent on putting an end to our 250-year experiment with democracy.

As any good attorney would caution you … time is of the essence.

Photo | foxnews.com



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Giuliani Prepares For New Role As MyPillow Pitchman

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Reprint from moronmajority.com

Now that his New York law license has been suspended, and facing likely disbarment, Rudy Giuliani can rest easy at night … the “My Pillow Guy,” Mike Lindell, has rescued him from impending financial ruin. Rudy Giuliani will be the new mug in MyPillow commercials.

The former top federal prosecutor and twice-elected New York mayor will be hawking Lindell’s wares on late night cable shows and right-wing media outlets.

“Rudy is a perfect fit for our pillows,” said Lindell. “He has a high approval rating with our typical buyers, people over the age of 75 and the mentally impaired.”

Looking to tap into Giuliani’s recent notoriety, Lindell will be offering a new pillow cover resistant to hair dye.

Some are saying the two staunch Trump supporters were meant to do business together. Giuliani, a Roman Catholic, however, has told Lindell he refuses to wear a giant crucifix around his neck, a Lindell trademark.

Photo | cnn.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!



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