Why Does Mike Pence Think He Can Be His Party’s Presidential Nominee When It’s Obvious He Doesn’t Have A Prayer?


There are many things in the universe I don’t understand, and for me, Mike Pence’s presidential hopes are right up there with quantum physics and the mysteries of the Bermuda Triangle.

I mean, this is the same Mike Pence who came within a hair’s breadth of being hanged by the MAGA mob on January 6th.  This is the same guy many Republicans think is a traitor for refusing to overturn the 2020 election results.

Now, look, I’m not one to judge a person’s ambitions, but Pence’s presidential aspirations are about as plausible as finding Bigfoot riding a unicorn. It’s almost as if he’s living in an alternate universe where the events of the past few years never happened.

But let’s give Pence the benefit of the doubt and try to understand why he thinks Republicans will rally behind him. Maybe it’s his charisma that captivated the nation during his time as vice president. Oh wait, I forgot. Pence’s charisma level hovers somewhere between a beige suit and a cardboard cutout of Mitt Romney.

Or perhaps it’s his exceptional track record as a political leader that sets him apart? Just think of all the incredible accomplishments Pence brought us as Trump’s number-two  man? OK, I’m waiting …. The truth is he was a total non-factor unless you consider kissing his boss’s ass for four years a great achievement!

I’m of the opinion Pence is running for president because God told him to (fact is, he has actually admitted to such). And being the good Christian that he is, the man is just going along with God’s plan …  you know, carrying out His will. He probably believes God spared him from the gallows on January 6 because he has a higher calling for him… 46th President of the United States!

Unfortunately, the few sane people around Pence are much too kind to let the pious Republican know that when it comes to being his party’s nominee for president, he doesn’t have a prayer in hell.

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Chuck Grassley Calls For Dianne Feinstein’s Retirement


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In a shocking turn of events, Senator Chuck Grassley is calling for the retirement of his colleague, Senator Dianne Feinstein. The two senators, both aged 89, have been serving in the Senate for decades, but Grassley seems to think that Feinstein’s time has come to an end.

“It’s time for Dianne to retire,” Grassley reportedly said in a recent interview. “We’re both 89, but I’m three months younger. I think I’ve still got some good years left in me, but Dianne, well, let’s just say she’s not as spry as she used to be.”

Feinstein, the senior Senator from California has spent nearly three months away from the Capital, including a stint in the hospital before returning home to San Francisco to recover.

When asked why he is calling for the retirement of a person about the same age as himself, Grassley responded, “I am here. She is not. And heck, I did 50 pushups this morning before coming to work.”

The call for Feinstein’s retirement has generated a good amount of backlash, with some wondering if Grassley is playing with a full deck. But others have speculated the senior Senator from Iowa is jealous since Feinstein is currently the oldest sitting U.S. senator. They believe Grassley wants the title.

At this point, it does not appear Feinstein (or Grassley for that matter) will be leaving her job anytime soon. 

The answer, perhaps, as to why both senior senators continue to serve in the Senate can be found simply by looking at the portrait each has hanging in their offices… it’s of Strom Thurmond, the oldest senator to have served … at age 100 and 29 days!

Photo | washingtontimes/AP/Andrew Harnik is a satire political blog

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How Joe Can Use His Age To His Benefit


Let’s face it, Joe Biden has an age issue. He already has the distinction of being the oldest person ever elected president at age 77. If he were to win reelection, he would be 81 years old on election day, turning 82 just weeks later, on November 20.

But Old Joe can actually use his advanced years to his benefit if he simply employs a little humor, just as Ronald Reagan did when his age was being used against him. Plus, he’d be beating a lot of the late-night comics to the punch!

Here are just a few examples of how Joe can humorously claim his longevity helps him, as it has allowed him to be present for some of the most important moments in American history:

When talking about being a proud American

Biden could say, while he was very young, he recalls standing outside Independence Hall, straining to hear the voices of the Founding Fathers as they put pen to paper. He can talk about how he felt a swell of patriotic pride as he watched them declare our independence from Great Britain. 

When talking about his strength and vigor

Biden can tell voters about the time he helped row Washington across the icy Delaware River, braving the elements and the British soldiers. He can describe how tired he was, how his hands were numb from the cold, but his heart was warmed by the bravery of our founding father.

When talking about how he got interested in politics

Biden could describe how he snuck into one of the Lincoln-Douglas debates, hiding behind a stack of hay bales as he listened to the two men go back and forth. He could talk about how impressed he was with Lincoln’s eloquence and his commitment to preserving the Union. Yes, that’s when young Joe knew a political career was for him!

Mr. President, you can turn the issue of your age from a liability into an asset … with just a little humor.

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Tucker Carlson Leaves Fox For Higher Calling


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After years of being a prominent figure in the conservative media world, Tucker Carlson has made the shocking announcement that he will be leaving Fox News to pursue a new calling: the ministry.

Sources close to Carlson suggest that he is deeply troubled by the role he played in spreading fear, lies, conspiracy theories and disinformation during his time on television. He believes that he has a responsibility to atone for his sins and to help undo the harm he’s caused. 

“He’s been struggling with this for a while,” said a source who spoke on condition of anonymity. “He’s been talking to pastors and other religious leaders, trying to find a way to make things right.”

According to those same sources, Carlson’s decision to leave Fox News was motivated by his fear of going to hell.

“He’s always been a deeply religious person,” the source said. “But he’s been feeling more and more guilty about what he’s done. He’s worried that he’s going to spend eternity paying for the division he’s caused in our country.”

While some may be skeptical of Carlson’s sudden conversion, those who know him best say that he is sincere in his desire to repent and make amends.

“He’s a man of conviction,” said one friend. “He’s always been passionate about what he believes, and now he’s applying that passion to his faith.”

As for Fox News, the network is reportedly in a state of shock over Carlson’s sudden departure. After all, “Tucker Carlson Tonight” was the highest-rated cable news show for years. Fox has already started conducting a nationwide search to find a new host who is willing to take on the responsibility of spreading hate and lies to the American public.

“Whoever replaces Tucker is going to have some big shoes to fill,” said one Fox executive. “We need someone who can lie with conviction and fear-monger with the best of them.”

A replacement, however, might not be so difficult for Fox News to find. There are plenty of unscrupulous “newsmen” out there who have no fear of eternal damnation and would gladly sell their souls for some mega bucks.

As for Friar Tucker, our thoughts and prayers are with you, man!

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Mike Lindell Pulls Fast One On 5 Million Dollar Winner


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Ask any trial lawyer about the most misunderstood aspect of civil litigation and the answer is usually this… while a client may win a monetary award, it’s a whole other thing collecting the cash.

It appears this is the lesson learned by Bob Zeidman, the man who successful proved, through arbitration, Mike Lindell is full of BS. If you remember, the My Pillow guy offered a $5 million payment to anyone who could prove his “data” about massive election interference in the 2020 presidential election was bogus. He called it the “Prove Mike Wrong” contest.

Now, in a shocking turn of events, My Pillow CEO Mike Lindell has actually “made good” on his promise! However, instead of writing a check for $5 million, Lindell decided to pay the award in the form of My Pillow products.

Zeidman, the recipient of this unique compensation, is a software developer who had publicly criticized Lindell’s claims. Zeidman was initially skeptical when he heard about Lindell’s offer, but after conducting extensive research, he was able to conclusively prove that Lindell’s evidence of election fraud was nothing but smoke and mirrors.

“I was really surprised when Lindell offered to pay me in My Pillow products,” Zeidman said in a recent interview. “My initial reaction was to tell the guy to go stuff it, but after my lawyer did a thorough review of his financial situation, I realized this was probably the best I was going to do.”

Zeidman was given a truckload of My Pillow products, including pillows, sheets, and mattress toppers. While the total value of the products was said to be $5 million, many experts have expressed doubt that they are actually worth that much.

Some have speculated that Lindell may have inflated the value of the products in order to save face after his claims were debunked. Others have suggested that he simply has too much My Pillow inventory and is trying to offload it in any way he can.

Either way, Zeidman says he’s happy he won his case and was able to collect something. When asked what he plans to do with all those pillows, he chuckled and replied, “I don’t know, maybe I’ll build the mother of all pillow forts and live in it forever.”

Photo | Lev Radin/Sipa USA/AP Images

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The “Party Of Stupid” Just Can’t Help Itself


Bobby, Bobby, oh Bobby.

You hit the nail on the head back in 2012 when you correctly diagnosed what was ailing your beloved GOP after some surprising election losses. But did anyone listen? Of course not! 

Just to refresh our memories, here is what you said ten years ago when your party lost two winnable 2021 Senate races (Missouri, Indiana) after your candidates (Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock) made some really stupid comments about rape :

“We must stop being the stupid party. I’m serious. It’s time for a new Republican party that talks like adults. It’s time for us to articulate our plans and visions for America in real terms. We had a number of Republicans damage the brand this year with offensive and bizarre comments. We’ve had enough of that.”

After having backed perhaps the worst, most unqualified candidate for the United States Senate in GOP history, Herschel Walker, this is what your National Republican Senatorial Committee Chairman, Rick Scott, said recently:

“While Herschel came up short last night, I know he will continue to be a leader in our party for years to come.”

A smart party leader would never have said that!  A clear-headed politician, one in touch with reality, might have said that old Mitch McConnell was correct… Republicans need to focus more on candidate quality going forward … or, better yet, might have said nothing at all!

There undoubtedly is a GOP playbook somewhere which says “never admit error… just keep doubling down.” Bobby, I’m afraid yours is a party that hates admitting a mistake even more than having committed the mistake in the first place.

So, Bobby, what happened to you? You had such a promising political future!  You were young, diverse and sharp. Some were calling you the next best thing for the GOP. You won reelection for governor of Louisiana in 2011 by a landslide. And now you’re an advisor at some investment firm?

I’m guessing you eventually got tired of banging hour head against the wall. You came to realize that while you can fix many things, you can’t fix stupid.

Still, Bobby, why haven’t you come out to say only a “stupid party” would even consider nominating a one-term, twice-impeached loser to run again for the presidency in 2024? Just asking. 

Photo | AP/Michael Conroy/

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Walker Or Warnock … A Difficult Choice For Georgia


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With two eminently qualified candidates, it is easy to see why, with just a few days before Georgia’s runoff election, the U.S. Senate race between Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock is considered a toss-up.

Raphael Warnock, the current U.S. senator from Georgia, is fighting to keep his seat against one of the state’s greatest sports heroes, Herschel Walker.

The Democratic candidate, Warnock, was elected to the Senate on January 5, 2021 by winning in another runoff race against Republican candidate, Kelly Loeffler. In his two years serving as Georgas’s senator, Warnock has distinguished himself as an articulate, effect lawmaker. He is not only a pastor, but the pastoral heir of Martin Luther King Jr. at Atlanta’s Ebenezer Baptist Church. He has made his life’s work fighting against systematic racism. Warnock is a strong champion of LGBTQ+ rights, voting rights and reproductive rights.

On the other hand, Republican candidate, Herschel Walker, starred as a running back at the University of Georgia, winning the Heisman Trophy in his junior year. He went on to a successful professional career playing in both the USFL and the NFL. While he is not as articulate as Warnock, with most of his speeches turning into incomprehensible word salads, Georgians love him nonetheless. Did you know as a junior at the University of Georgia, Walker rushed for 1,752 yards and 16 touchdowns while leading the Bulldogs to an 11-0 regular season record and a national matchup against Penn State in the Sugar Bowl?

Even though some are questioning his lack of political experience, Walker is following in the footsteps of his biggest backer, Donald Trump, who also lacked any political experience when he successfully ran for the presidency in 2016. As many Republican voters will quickly point out, and as they say Trump proved, political experience is so overrated!

To use a football term, the Senate runoff race in Georgia, on December 6, has come down to a “coin flip.” Who is best positioned to represent the great state of Georgia in the United States Senate … a civil rights hero or a sports hero? Tough one, Georgia!

Photo | Bill Barrow/Associated Press

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“This man is a loser”


Have Republicans finally come to the realize the emperor has no clothes?

Sure looks that way after last night’s poor showing by Trump-backed candidates!

“If you want the Republican Party to thrive, we’ve got to just finally speak out and say, ‘This man is a loser’,” said former Trump White House communications director, Alyssa Farah Griffin.

Former Trump White House deputy press secretary, Sarah Matthews, said what many Republicans are reluctantly acknowledging, “I think last night was the biggest indicator that Donald Trump should not be the Republican nominee in 2024.”  She went on to say what was obvious to many political observers, including Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, “He cost Republicans winnable seats by boosting poor quality candidates.”

Republican strategist, Scott Jennings, tweeted, “How could you look at these results tonight and conclude Trump has any chance of winning a national election in 2024?”

Trump has teased for a long time that he will announce another run for the White House. At a rally in Ohio, just before the midterm elections, Trump said he will make a “very big announcement” on November 15 which many believe will be the announcement of his presidential run.

So will he or won’t he following yesterday’s humiliation at the polls, coupled with his rival’s, Ron DeSantis, blowout victory for governor of Florida?

I’m not a betting man but I believe Trump won’t run. Does he really want to risk being a two-time loser? But you never know. A narcissist is going to do what a narcissist is going to do. Has Trump ever been guided by sound advice … political, legal or otherwise?

One thing’s for sure. Republicans who were told by Trump they’d be sick and tired of winning, are starting to get sick and tired of losing … bigly!

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Conservatives Have Made A Mockery Of The Supreme Court, So …


The highest court in the land has lost the right to be called “Supreme.” It has earned a new name, which, if Democrats are smart, they’ll start using ASAP when referring to the Court. The new name? The United States Extreme Court.

Why not go full Trumpian name-calling on today’s radical bunch of black-robed ayatollahs sitting on the high court in Washington D.C., passing judgement on how we are to live our lives, democracy and the Constitution be damned?

The current right-wing Supreme Court has lost all legitimacy after a string of appalling decisions they have handed down recently on abortion rights, gun rights and the separation of church and state. And, as many observers have suggested, they are just getting started!

The six “conservative jurists” have all earned the right to be derided, mocked and hounded wherever they show their faces. If that means frat boy Kavanaugh has to leave a restaurant, through the back door, before having his dessert, so be it.

Is calling the Supreme Court the “Extreme Court” disrespectful? It is not disrespectful enough!

For a good summary on why the label “Extreme Court” is appropriate, read Elie Mystal’s great piece in The Nation,  “How The Supreme Court Became The Extreme Court.

Democrats need to do what Republicans would do under similar circumstances. Get nasty, and on message, fast.


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